The After Affect

People always say leave the past in the past, but moving on is a lot easier said than done. How do you get over a past that never even gave you a chance for the future?

My sisters, brother, and I spent about 14 years in foster care. We were not fortunate enough to be placed together, and ultimately neither our parents nor any other family member cared enough to get us.

I must have lived in 16-21 different homes and group homes before I aged out to be on my own.
I didn't have a chance to keep in touch with my siblings or anything...and on top of that 20 out of the 21 homes I was being abused either mentally, physically, or sexual.
It wasn't any easier for my sisters and brother.

Just imagine being 4 yrs old and being ripped away from the only ppl you knw and you don't even know why. It was hard thinking it was all my fault
After a while you start to believe all the negative things that's being said around you.

I said all of that to say this....

People need to realize that their actions do not only affect them.
This is the life we were given because of my parents actions. We didn't ask for it but it wasn't a damn thing we could do about it. So who raised us? Life...Life raised us. There are things I still don't knw and here I am trying to raise two kids of my own

IF YOUR NOT COMPLETELY READY TO GIVE UP YOURSELF, TIME, ENERGY, AND ANYTHING NEGATIVE THAT'S IN YOUR LIFE THEN DON'T HAVE KIDS. DON'T MAKE YOUR KIDS SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES FOR YOUR ACTIONS. AND IT NEVER ENDS NO MATTER HOW OLD YOU GET. DON'T PUT THAT BURDEN ON ONE CHILD TO HAVE TO TRY TO MAKE END MEETS FOR ALL OF THE SIBLINGS BECAUSE WE HAVE NO ONE ELSE TO TURN TO ALL WE CAN DO IS DEPEND ON EACH OTHER. SIBLINGS SHOULDNT HAVE TO BE MOTHERS AND FATHERS TO EACH OTHER, IT'S NOT OUR JOB.
GOD KNOWS I WOULDN'T WISH MY LIFE ON MY WORST ENEMY

I'M 23 AND STILL FEELING THE AFTER AFFECTS

My Financial Challenge

When I think of all the money I wasted on unnecessary things over the years I get pissed at myself. If only I knew then what I know now. Getting my nails done is not a necessity; neither is the pair of shoes that were on clearance in Belk, or the 52 inch flat screen tv sitting in my living room, what about all those trips to McDonald's, Arby', Popeyes? Those were things I wanted but could definitely live without. Anything worth having doesn't come at an easy price, I'd rather sacrifice now for a better future not only for me but for my family.

From September 1-December 31st I will be on a spending freeze. The only thing that I will spend money on is

Rent phonebill
Electricity groceries
Insurance gas
Carpayment daycare

I plan on documenting the highs and the lows.
Prepare for the ride.

"The dreaded Talk"

Today as I sat in my living room and my mind started to wander; I thought back on a day about 13 years ago when I was in the 5th grade and had my first crush on the opposite sex. I don't know what made me think of that day that I got up enough courage to give "Douglas" that valentines day card. Maybe its because I have been having such a hard time figuring out when to have the *Sex Talk* with my soon to be nine year old daughter. We also ran into her friend (who I will just call Tee) yesterday who is ten yrs old. They have been friends since they were 3 and 4. When I saw Tee I immediately got an uneasy feeling as she stood in front of me with her full figured breast as if she was 16 years old.

My first thought was why they hell are these little girls developing at such early ages?
Secondly I thought if I don't think she looks her age, how many men/boys will think the same thing?

Maybe that's why I thought about Douglas today. For a long time I just could not fathom the thought of talking to an 8 yr old about sex. I'm slowly realizing its better to be safe then sorry. My daughter is not far from the age I was when I had my first crush. Although I knew nothing about sex I knew that I liked him and wanted to be his girlfriend...whatever that meant. That was 13 yrs ago, so I can only imagine whats going thru these girls head today. Who knows if she has already had a little crush.


I've decided that in two weeks on her 9th birthday we will have the official talk...age appropriate ofcourse.

1. I want her to fully understand what's acceptable and what's not.
2. I want her to know that she can confide in me and ask any question no matter what.
3. I want her to have her priorities in order
4. It's not what you do its how you do it, and there's a time and a place for everything.
5. Don't fall for peer pressure and stick to your morals and values.

I look forward to filling you guys in.


"PLAY AN ACTIVE ROLE IN YOUR CHILDRENS LIFE"

Dont Sweat the Small Stuff

A while back I read a book called "Don't sweat the small stuff And its all Small stuff"
I absolutely love this book because its so real. Life is too short to be angry, depressed, and holding grudges. Nothing or No one is worth it. Yea I know that's easier said than done, because if your anything like I was when someone pisses you off your ready to do whatever needs to be done to get your respect. The truth is nothing needs to be done at all. The wiser you become you will learn that trying to seek vengeance will only set you up for failure. Let God fight your battles its much easier that way anyhow. Often people don't realize how true the saying "you reap what you sow" is. I'm here to tell you when your grown tit for tat is just down right silly. The important thing to remember is that everyone is not meant to be apart of your life forever, that doesn't mean either person has to be uptight about it. Learn to move on. Live your life as happily as possible, Love as much as you can, and Laugh instead of getting angry. It's good for the soul



:):):):):):)Love, Peace, and Hair grease:):):):):):):):)

A New Year

A new year means a new start. No, you can't undo anything that has already been done, but you can strive to do better this time around. Change is hard and habit is even harder to break, but no one can remain the same...we are either progressing or getting ourselves deeper into the same rut. I'd much rather progress. So this year I will strive to save more, love more, live more, laugh more, pray more and get closer to the Lord. Happy New Year ppl.

Hey

Alright I'm starting a blog...stay tuned for the ride.lol